Episode 3 transcript
H- Hi, my name's Holly
A- And I'm Amy,
H- and you are listening to
A- You Okay?
H- with Holly and Amy,
A-the podcast where we keep you company on long drives and solo dinners,
H- giving you the gal pals you never knew you needed.
A- Hello, holly Hosler-White.
H-Hello, amy Trigg,
A- are you okay?
H- Yeah, i'm really full.
A- Yeah, me too.
H- You know, when you feel like uncomfortably, i probably don't help that I'm sitting, but we just had a very nice pasta dinner
A- Which I nailed.
H- You nailed it, amy. I basically come around to Amy's house and she cooks me food and lets me vent for however long I need to, and then she makes me a hot chocolate and then I leave.
A- I do want to say I did mess up my pasta portions.
H- Yeah, i wasn't going to talk about it.
A- I am happy to discuss it. So I knew that I was cooking for two. You were in front of me when I was weighing the pasta out. I only cooked enough for one, which says a lot about where I am emotionally.
H- She’s single.
A- So we had two tapas sized portions.
H- While we were eating the first pasta dish, amy cooked the second pasta dish.
A- And you know what? That's fine.
H- I said to you it's fine. And then we just ate a lot of tortilla chips and guacamole,
A- which we're going back to And we will. I will get you your hot chocolate at some point tonight.
H- amy Trigg.
A- Yes,
H- you okay? i am okay. Do you know what?
A- What?
A- I think I'm going through a little bit of a reinvention, regeneration.
H- We love it, go on.
A- I’m buying lots of new clothes or like vintage and whatnot.
H- Very good,
A- very good,
H- sustainable.
A-She’s so sustainable. I found some really good stuff in charity shops actually.
H- Oh yeah, you've got the patience to do that? I don't think I have
A- though I think I. Just because I go into, i'm just lucky, it just all comes to me. In general, we're shopping. I'm very much going to a shop, do a circuit. If I see something I like, great. If I don't, i leave or go to the next one. So with charity shops, i don't waste time. I go in. If I see something, i get it. I don't like shopping, but I have found some good stuff and I've got some nice things because I was. I think I spoke to you actually when I said I was looking in the mirror and I was like I don't feel like I look like me.
H- Oh yeah, so it was a little while ago, a couple of weeks back.
A -So I'm taking action.
H- I love it. I did that. I had that last summer and I called it my Renaissance. Yes, i had a Renaissance.
A- See you, you go with Renaissance. I said regeneration Because
H- she likes Dr Who
A- A little bit of a nerd
H- Oh, you excited for the Dr Who anniversary thing?
A- Yeah, i'm looking forward to it. It's really good.
H- It’s a good cast, isn't it?
H- What are we doing today?
A- Earlier today, i found an article that I wanted to discuss with you, because you know we're asking people for questions, comments, concerns. We want to be Agony Aunts.
H- Yes, @YouOkayWithHollyAndAmy on Instagram.
A- On Instagram, are we on any other social media? We’re not at the moment, are we?
H- Yeah, but who is
A- I am?
H- Oh, yeah, but I mean, like, cool people.
A- Wow,
H- I’m referring to myself as well.
I shared something on Facebook yesterday about Franz Kafka.
A- Yeah, all the important stuff
H- on that metamorphosis life.
A- Goodness me, no, that's true, actually. Okay, so we're on Instagram.
H- Yeah, we might get TikTok.
A- I don't think I'm built for TikTok, like, i love the stalk on TikTok, but I just don't think.
H- Oh, you've got to be careful of that.
A- Don’t tell me, people can turn, they can see if you’ve viewed their page? Jesus Christ,
H- If you don't turn the thing off, how You have to turn the thing off
A- what do I have to turn off?
H- I’ll do it for you. Hang on. Who have you stalked?
A- I’m not going to say it now, am I? But let's just say some people that shouldn’t have been stalked, oh gosh,
H- oh, i'm really sorry.
A- The article is called 11 Agony Aunt questions that are beyond any help.
H- Oh, a challenge.
A- A challenge To show how qualified we are
H- which is not very.
A- Number one
H- Go,
A- this is Dear Deirdre.
H- Oh, like from the sun?
A- yeah, and I used to be obsessed with Dear Deirdre. I loved it.
H- Which of your family members bought the sun?
A- I don't know. Someone did. I mean not for a long time. There came a point when I think we realised But when I was little, i remember, yeah, i remember reading Dear Deirdre and the little photo.
H- Oh, my God, i used to love those and I used to feel so naughty reading them.
A- They were great, i loved them. Anyway, number one
Dear Deirdre.
My mum's dog attacked our postman. I tried to help him. Then one thing led to another, and now I think I'm pregnant And then I can't see the rest of it. But all I can see is I'm 17 and my little sister let, and that's where it cuts off.
H- Why is it cut off?
A- That’s all the askers giving me, i'm afraid.
H- Show me this, oh, ok, yeah, yeah, it's cut off.
A- You don't trust me.
H- I just didn't know what you meant when you said it was cut off. It was a photo of it. It literally cut off. That's mental. Do you know what they're asking? Is she pregnant with the postman or the dog?
A- Wow
H- you said that they're hard to come back from. You promised me a challenge.
A- I’m guessing it's the postman.
H- How does one thing lead to another with the postman?
A- Well, i guess. So the mum's dog attacked the postman, so I guess he was in distress and she rushed to get the dog off of the postman. It's like probably Fred, come in, let me get some gauze and some, i don't know, some pseudocrymol summit in your wounds
H- And one thing led to another and she landed on his Willy?
A- I’m not one to judge,
H- no, i'm not judging, i'm just intrigued. These things don't happen to me. I've seen attractive postman out there.
A- Well,
H- now she's 17 and pregnant.
A- She’s 17 pregnant with the postman's baby. I mean, my opinion personally is This might be a really cool meet-cute. If a postman and her have a future, then great.
H- I have so many questions, though, that you're not going to be able to answer.
A- Well, i can just improvise the answers.
A- How old is he? I'm going to say he's not 17, but I'm going to say the postman is 22.
H- Really?
A- I didn't want to make it gross,
H- because, if my head is about 47.
A- Ok, well, you've decided to go there. Ok, the postman is 47. She's 17. Now that changes my opinion on this.
H- You need to have a conversation about it. Did you get a lawyer involved this early on?
A- I don't think she's a lawyer right now, but I think she needs a conversation with herself to work out what she wants,
H- especially because that's very young. No, Judge, if you're ready to be a mum, you're ready to be a mum. She sounds like she's chatting away to Deirdre about it.
A- I don't think she's ready personally.
H- This woman we don't know.
A- And then she needs to have a conversation with the postman.
H- And her mum.
A- Postman first, yeah, and then mum,
H- yeah, and then the dog,
A- if you are… and the dog? because if it all works out, that dog needs to be part of the wedding ceremony
H- 100%, with the rings.
A- Here’s another one for you. This again is a photograph of a newspaper, tomorrow's question. My fiance is pregnant and I've been sleeping with her sister. She's also pregnant. I'm not ready for kids. Should I ditch them both? And it's from Navy Boy?
H- Wow, no,
A- what a pickle,
H- what a prick.
A- Yeah, that too. So, first of all, don't think they should be getting married.
H- No, that means that their cousins and half siblings,
A- yeah, yeah, those kids will probably be big on TikTok eventually.
H- Oh, yeah, they'll have a story.
I think you definitely shouldn’t get married. You should probably tell them, babe, you shouldn't ditch them,
A- absolutely not.
H- Don’t ditch them, but also maybe run away for a bit and only be accessible by phone, because these women might kill you.
A- No,
H- All right, don't run off… miss TikTok. No, still accessible, still available for phone calls.
A- The thing is, i don't have a sister, but if I did and we were both pregnant by the same, ok, if me and you,
H- yeah,
A- we’re not sisters, we're not,
H- we just look like we are.
A- If we were, yeah, and we were both pregnant by the same man,
H- yeah,
A- first, he wouldn't happen. Different type,
H- absolutely.
A- But if he went off and didn't help us with like lifting things and shopping and things that we can't do when we're heavily pregnant, i'd be raging.
H- I’d be Yeah, but I'd be more raging about the fact that he's both of us
A- And yeah, that would basically Yeah, but she needs to,
H- no matter what. He's going to be angry, they're going to be angry, so you just need to confront it and not run away. Yeah, to the Navy
MUSIC.
A- This next one is titled Where to Begin.
H- Oh God, this sounds like when I come around to your house after a date and they're like right, sit down.
A- My boyfriend and I have a good relationship, great. But there are times when he dons the Darth Vader mask and refuses to answer to anything other than Darth kick ass. What should I do from perplexed?
This sounds like my future relationship.
H- This is literally what I was about to say.
I was like okay, so this is, this is someone Amy would date. You just have to be there like, babe, what are you doing? I think stop giving him the attention, just don't participate.
A- But maybe she's just got an issue with the Darth Vader mask. Maybe switch up masks, we don't know.
H- Well, she's bored of the Darth Vader mask. So what's the other one? the Darth Vader mask? A- Maybe she doesn't want a villain?
H- So what?
A- She’s tired of bad boys?
H- No, well, story of my life, maybe. So you're saying that he should dress as Luke Skywalker instead?
A- Maybe
H- That’s the limit of my knowledge of Star Wars.
A- Very good, though,
H- thank you. Or baby Yoda, that's the other thing I know.
A- Oh, not baby Yoda, or not Yoda.
H- You can't, don't shame people,
A- okay, i mean, yeah, sure, go for it, do whatever you want to do. I'm saying baby Yoda is a baby. Well, actually, that's not his proper name.
H- What’s his proper name?
A- Grogu
H- Grogu. I was at the same thing.
A- Yeah, how are we friends.
So what would you do if that was your boyfriend? What would you do?
H- I’d be there like what are you doing? And then I'd just stop giving him attention. I'd go and do something else and be like no, if you're not, if you're not going to answer to your own name, and make me call you dark, kick ass was it.
A- Darth kick ass.
H- Oh, darth, kick ass
A- Darth Vader. But Darth kick ass. If that's what he enjoys doing in his spare time. You can't take that totally away from him.
H- No,
A- i think, give him a little bit of leeway, but as long as it's not affecting your life, loads like you can't cope with it. 24 seven,
H- yeah, and like is this over dinner? Is this in bed? Where is this happening? Is it just in the house?
A- Where would be the worst place for it to happen? In the house or in public, or like where? H- Well, in public, yeah, yeah,
A- you couldn't go down asda with Darth kick ass. No, with my other Picking up hummus.
H- Just him next to you. That Get the moroccan
A- I wonder if he does do the voice.
H- Okay, Amys attracted to the voice.
A- No, no, i'm No, no, okay, but they need boundaries.
H- They just need a lot of things. I mean imagine, okay, you said the worst place is definitely in public. Where's the worst place in the house about to happen?
A- I would get really annoyed if it was happening while I was cooking dinner. I think that would do my head in.
H- Yeah, darth kick ass, can you pass me the pepper?
A- It would be annoying. I could probably cope with it If we were, like, just sat watching TV. Yes, he was just up there with a mask on because we wouldn't have to talk that much.
H- Yeah,
A- although if he was doing the breathing that might maybe get on my nerves.
H- I feel like over dinner would be so annoying. Imagine sitting down at the table together And then in bed. I just, i just wouldn't talk to them. I'd be like, no, leave me alone, i'm not going to talk to you. I'm not going to talk to you.
A- Would you like another?
H- Do you want another one? Yes, i do.
A- All right, donna, okay, private time Twice.
I've walked in on my husband masturbating in the bathroom. What should I do?
H- Don’t walk into the bathroom with your husbands in there without knocking.
A- It’s underneath this one. It's got an answer which is just knock, yeah, full stop.
H- What’s the problem? Just knock Also as well. I don't get that. I don't get the whole like having an issue with someone having a wank. No, when people are like, oh my God, he watched porn when he was with me. Okay, those women can bend in ways I can't. If he wants to imagine that, go for it.
A- That was fun.
A- The next one is another dear, dear dreary.
H- I love it. Mm-hmm, oh, ok.
A- Oh God, will playing with my breasts make them bigger? My boyfriend insists it will. He's 22 and I'm 19. He spends the evenings bundling my breasts to see if his theory works. I don't think there's any truth in it And I really wouldn't mind them having a rest.
H- Oh God, she's got sore boobs. Um, i think your boyfriend wants to feel your boobs And I think maybe he had some bad sex education lessons Or no sex education lessons What?
A- So you think he genuinely believes that's what happens?
H- I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt And maybe he's got his facts confused, because if you are having regular sex, because of the hormone to, your boobs can increase in size. I'm going to double. I'm going to fact check that.
A- Is that true?
H- I’m going to fact check it.
A- I think he knows he's lying. I think he's made this up So he can play with her breasts constantly.
He spends the evenings fondling my breasts, so I think she needs to have a chat with her boyfriend and perhaps suggest that he stops bundling her breasts. Quite so much.
H- Maybe go to the library, find a book on all of this and read it together as a bonding exercise.
A- That’s a good point. If she can, if she can, disprove his theory. Yeah, Boom, boom, eee. That's what she needs to do. I think that's really good advice actually. Yeah, yeah, disprove his theory. Be scientific about it.
A- this next one I don't think I can read fully because it's quite a blurry picture, but I want to read some of the highlights. Yeah, the headline is her love for Lizard is tearing us apart.
H- Lizard or Lizards? Lizard Is Lizard a band?
A- Oh, hang on a minute. I think we might have cut off the S in the photo. I think it's her love for Lizards is tearing us apart.
H- I don't know what's worse. I think it's worse if there's only one Lizard, personally, if it's a group, if it's a band called Lizard, oh that's bad, yeah, but it's a band. But I feel like if it's literal Lizards,
A- it is literal Lizards.
H- That’s so weird.
A- There’s a picture of a woman. She hasn't got a top on But you can't see anything Like. It's a classy, classy pose, but she's got a Lizard on her back and she's looking back at the Lizard like, hmm,
H- i want to see this photo.
A- There you go.
H- Oh, my God, screenshot that, because you know that that is, that's just going to be a stock image that the newspaper has decided to use, so that image just exists somewhere.
A- Yeah, i really can't read much of this, but I just want to read this little bit.
When we're intimate, i feel the reptiles stare And another bit.
H- So that means they must be in her bedroom.
A- Yeah, yeah, yeah, staring at me from the tank. When I suggested we move it out, she stormed off and said come back, come back. I read it wrong. She stormed out and came back with three, three tortoises. So she just really likes reptiles. It's basically when there's quite an intense hobby in a relationship.
H- No, i'm sorry, you need to break up
A- do you think?
H- Yeah, yeah, she needs to go and sort herself out, because if it sounds like it sounds a bit fetishy,
A- i don't think the Lizards are getting involved. They can't be helped. They're sat in a tank.
H- Why won't she move the tank?
A- Oh, i imagine it's quite heavy. You've met the man of your dreams. Okay, yeah, he's got a lot of Lizards.
H- He won't be the man of my dreams.
A- No, but what if he is? Are you going to say goodbye to the man of your dreams, even though he's got a lot of reptiles, or are you going to accept the reptiles into your life?
H- I’ll accept the reptiles, but I want a bit of leeway. Okay, i'm going to say can we maybe not have sex in front of the reptiles and he comes home with three more tortoises. Why? Why are you buying? Why is your retaliation to this It's not like I've gone, you've bought too much chocolate and then you've gone out and bought more chocolate. You've bought three living things in retaliation to me like, maybe can we not make love in front of the reptiles?
A- Yeah, yeah, it's a bit of a red flag, isn't it actually?
H- And also, i think we've just discovered an ice for Holly.
A- Reptiles Yeah, i don't mind a reptile.
H- Yeah, but they're like shed.
A- Yeah, but they're dogs.
H- Yeah, but not like a whole thing of skin.
A- Okay, fair enough. Right, they need to have a conversation.
H- They do. She maybe needs to go and talk to someone.
A- She has all the people she needs to talk to. No, she has all the people she needs to talk to. It's just they can't talk back.
H- Sometimes that's all I want
A- Someone who won't talk back.
H- No response, just listen.
A- Here we go. This is another dear, dear Deirdre.
H- We love it.
A- I’ve gone off sex since the birth of my son, but my partner can't get enough. The only way I can get in the mood is by thinking about the footballer Andy Carroll. I'm 22, engaged and have a baby boy. I never want sex anymore, but I've found that it works. If I think about Andy and his ponytail, i've never met him, but I can't stop having sexy dreams about him and I'm worried it will affect how I feel about my fiance. How can I get this man out of my head?
H- I mean understandable that you don't want to have sex after having a baby. Your hormones are all over the place.
A- Take some time.
H- Also, like you're going to be well tired. Your husband, fiance, whatever, should have more respect for that and not be there like let's have sex Also. You don't have to have sex, though. Other things you can do for him to enjoy himself. However, if you feel like you have to, you should never feel like you have to.
A- You shouldn't,
H- but also there's nothing wrong in that. I don't think It's not like you're thinking about someone from work. You're thinking about Andy Carroll.
A- That’s a very good point.
H- Like it's just everyone has celebrity crushes, yeah, and you can't control your dreams.
H- No, i don't think you've got anything to worry about.
A- I don't think so. I think just give it time. I look, i've never had a baby
H- Me either
A- but I imagine I've seen them. I've seen. Yeah, they're everywhere. Just take some time. You've got a lot going on.
H- You’ve just pushed something the size of a watermelon out of you or you've had major surgery to get it out.
A- That doesn't sound nice to me.
The next one is I really like this girl at work, but I'm not quite sure how to broach the subject. She always seems interested when I talk to her, but I've heard she has a boyfriend. Should I send her a picture of my penis?
H- Oh, it went wrong. Oh, it all went wrong.
A- What a curveball.
H- Well, you hope not. Well, let's, let's focus this on this bit by bit, because I know that Amy and I have differing opinions on pen and company ink.
A- Pen and company ink
H- You’ve heard that. Saying you should know pen in the company ink.
A- I’ve never heard that before.
H- You’ve never heard that. Do you understand what it means?
A- I do know.
H- There we go.
A- Yeah, we do have different opinions. So I really like this girl at work, but I'm not quite sure how to broach the subject.
H- Broach the subject, Amy you would say don’t.
A- I think it just totally depends on the people I do. I think it depends on the people. I think, if you're getting good vibes and absolutely. maybe, don't broach the subject in a way that's like do you fancy me.
H- Yeah, flirt a bit, flirt a bit, But then we Do you want to go out for a drink? Yeah, yeah, drop them a little message Being there, like, not on your penis.
A- No, don't do that, for goodness sake,
H- not straight away anyway.
A- Also, she has a boyfriend. Yeah, let's talk about that.
H- You don't touch it. No, you don't touch it.
A- It Being the woman, the feminists that we are
H- yeah, you don't touch the situation.
A- If someone's got a partner, you respect that. Be cool, you do. Don't send pictures of your penis in any situation unless someone asks for it,
H- unless it's consensual. Yeah, if she didn't have a boyfriend, then have a flirt. Send a text, a little flirty message. Slide into the DMs. I don't think there's anything wrong with that
A- no, i agree.
H- But don't slide into the DMs penis first.
A- No, don't do that. And also, be clear with your intentions because, i'm sorry, i think we're all a little bit sick of mixed signals here. All right, subtlety is great, but sometimes you just got to be clear about what you're after and what you want, because otherwise that's when you find yourself in a messy situation.
H- Amy Trigg,
A- yep,
H- are you okay?
A- I'm fine.
A- They are all the questions that we have and I think we did an excellent job answering impossible questions.
H- I think we did a great job. Some of them I wasn't really quite sure what they were asking.
A- No, but sometimes that that's why they were complicated.
H- Yeah, and we did a good job. So, you know, i think we did a great job answering all of them. I think we did a great job answering all of them.
A- So you should write in with your questions.
H- Can’t get over Lizard girl.
A- I do wonder what she's doing now.
H- Maybe she's like an animal trainer now. Maybe her lizards do like flips and stuff.
A- We’ll see her on Britain's Got Talent next year.
H- You took the words out of my mouth.
A- Wait, has Britain's Got Talent still going?
H- It is. You know who's on it now? Who? Bruno Tolione.
A- Hey, love Bruno, that's cool.
H- Amy Trigg.
A- Holly Hosler White.
H- Love you bye.
Thank you for listening to You. Okay with Holly and Amy. If you liked this episode, then please do share with your friends And don't forget to rate, review and subscribe. You can find us on Instagram at you. Okay with Holly and Amy. Send us a message, make us feel loved. Bye.
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