Episode 4 transcript

 H- Hi, my name's Holly

A- and I'm Amy, 

H- and you are listening to 

A - you Okay?

H- with Holly and Amy, 

A- the podcast where we keep you company on long drives and solo dinners,

H- giving you the girl pals you never knew you needed. 

H- Hello, Amy Trigg!

A-  hello, holly Hosler-White. 

H- Amy trigg, 

A- yes, 

H- are you okay?

A- just about!

H- Do you want to ask me?

A- Holly Hosler-white, are you okay? 

H- No.

A- what’s wrong? What's going on? Talk to me. 

H- Amy’s exhausted and I am hungover. 

A- Yes, yes, we had a lovely day yesterday, 

H- best wedding I've ever been to. 

A- It was a day of dreams, it was beautiful, it was the best. Our lovely friends, Alim and Matthew, got hitched yesterday. 

H- They did, they got married 

A- and we were lucky enough to be at their celebration and it was so… Oh, my goodness, what a day. And I don't know if you can hear I have slightly lost my voice. 

H- It has come back. 

A- Yeah, it's come back. Yeah, I was just really enjoying a dance and a sing. Apparently, yeah, mr Brightside comes on a party and something happens within me

H- Feral, the food, the food was amazing. The people,

A-  the starters 

H- oh my God, the starters. I don't know. I could live on those samosas. 

A- Yeah, I could. I was really worried that I'd like overshot because I helped myself to more starters. I confess it, here and now I had an extra onion bargee or two, oh yeah. And then I panicked. So I was like, oh God, still got mains and dessert. But I managed it. Yes, I did.

H- and the main was so spicy and it was so funny, because I can deal with spicy food. I'm a spicy bitch, you are.  But, oh my God, everyone on that table, everyone on that table was a mess, apart from me. 

A- No, that's a lie. 

H- Okay, natalia wasn't to be fair. 

A- There were only three of us that were a mess on the table. I thought other people were, 

H- I really. 

A- No, I was looking around and it was three of us that were making a show of it, making a little bit of a show of ourselves. 

H- Oh my God, it's so hot. It was a Korma. 

A- No, it wasn't. It wasn't a Korma, it wasn't a Korma. Drag us through the dirt. 

H- speaking of drag Drag Queen. 

A- Did the ceremony? Turns out that they also do funerals. 

H- I’m having a drag queen at my funeral, 

A- maria Hertz. 

H- Maria Hertz, legendary, amazing, absolute legend. 

A- And a lot of us didn't know what that was happening. So at the beginning of the ceremony, when Maria Hertz came through the doors. I jumped yeah, 

H- because we were right by the doors 

A- Very jumpy you were, 

H- and you had like a. You had like an ornate, like flower display next to her that's the worst person to put that. She kept elbowing it and being like 

A- I was about to destroy the whole day before it even began. I was terrified. 

H- If you would have just added to it, it would have been wonderful.

A- And then with the pom poms, oh yeah, so it was so beautiful. Alim had made all these pom poms to like throw instead of confetti. Yeah, right, yeah, and I was just panicking because for me, I'm either I'm either really rubbish at sports or I'm weirdly good. So, like the other day when I went to Frinton with my family for a family day, I didn't really hit many of the balls with the round as that, right. And then I hit one and it just went straight for the back of my mum's head at force, because she okay, she was fine, 

H- she’s in hospital, because she's fine

A-  Yeah, I didn't handle the situation very well, but again, but so there were times when I don't know my own strength. So I was really worried that I was going to like, I know, 

H- even at full power, I think a pom pom. It just shows the different people that we are, because I turned around to Amy and said if you hit Eva Alim or matthew, with a pom pom, I owe you a hot chocolate.

A- My favorite thing about you and your drunk is that it happens very, very quickly, because we were all dancing, you were totally fine, you were on a lovely time every now and then you disappeared to get a drink. Didn't really think much of it. And then suddenly I turned around everyone's like going on a dance floor and you were just still spaced out, staring into the middle distance and I'm like, oh, she's gone. 

H- we’ve lost her, we've found her now. 

A- You just you were fair at you kept trying to touch me. 

H- Yeah, but you pretended to lick my hand. 

A- I did, yeah, 

H- I swear to God.  I've said it before, I'll say it again anyone would think you were drunk. 

A- Yeah, and this is an issue, because I think that might be partly down to my dancing choices I do something with my body that most sober people can't do. 

H- No, you do something with your body. Most sober people choose not to do. 

A- It’s the right. It's all the choice and I make the wrong one. Yeah, I do think people thought I was a little bit drunk. It's just a lot of like shoulder thrusting. Everyone loves the shoulder thrust. You get you shimmy. Look, I can't thrust my knees. My ankles

H- Why would you want to thrust your knees? 

A- I don't know what you pedestrians do. It's true. 

H- You’ve never referred to me as a pedestrian before. That's so funny. 

A- You’ve got all this joint movement and you are not making the most of it. 

H- No, that's very true. 

A- I want to see knee thrusting at the next wedding. 

H- I will work out especially for you how to do a knee thrust, 

A- thank you. My other thing about you when you're drunk, if you tell lots of stories and then you tell them multiple times, and then the next day, when you're sobered up, you go to tell me these stories as if it's brand new information you've just thought of and you're like, oh, by the way, I've heard it five times

H- because to me it is a new thought. 

A- So you were, yeah, but you were a delightful drunk yesterday. I thought 

H- Thank you very much. I feel like when I drink the right things I can be quite fun. 

A- I was ready to Google where the nearest pop world was at the end of the night. 

H- I could have gone on. 

A- Yeah, and honestly I think if there was a pop world nearby, we would still be there. 

H- I don't know if pop world do breakfast.

A- I don't frequent many pop worlds. I think I've been there a couple of times. I've enjoyed it. Yes, good night. I've known that sometimes you just you gotta step back. 

H- Yeah, pop world is one of those that I walk past it sober and I'm there like there is the. So things have happened to me in that building. And then when I'm there, when as soon as that gin touches my lips, I'm there like pop world Girl. 

A- Yeah, I've got a video of me and some mates at pop worlds and none of us look like we belong, like we're all just sat there. One of us is like, yeah, pop world, it's like you don't belong. And then the others are like either fanning themselves cause they're too hot, or like it's just yeah, it's, we didn't belong. In fact, duck and got told off for trying to give someone a piggyback. Yeah, so that was. We're too rebellious for pop world. Quite frankly, you were more of like a to know laser quest, r&b world, r&b world, I belong mostly to the naughties bops. 

H- Yes, yes, that's where I last night, when they started playing, I can't you know, like the when it got to, like the slight, the cheesy, the cheesy. No, I mean, yeah, like I don't mean an actual rave. I mean you're like, yeah, the rave, like 

A- Whitney Houston, came on and then they played like girls just want to have fun and I was like, oh my God, get the glow sticks out, let's rave, baby, let's rave. But yeah, I did say earlier as well, I do kind of want to see if I belong in the rave scene. 

H- Yeah, you did. And, to be honest, I was like sat in the car and there were diversions and we got to like the end of a road and I didn't know which, I wasn't even driving and Amy just went. I feel like I would have enjoyed a rave. And you know, when you're just like, just sort of looked her over and said like, okay, good, 

A- your energy was very much like, can we just get some hash browns and a hot chocolate before we have this conversation? 

H- Oh, yeah, I would have been all for it after when we've gone on to breakfast. 

A- Yeah, oh, another thing, yeah, I feel like we should mention, go on, is the lift, 

H- oh, the lift, the lift of dreams. 

A- So this lift it's so bougie, so bougie, it's like beautiful house, and the lift outside because Alameda sent me a screenshot on WhatsApp of the building was like this is where the lift is. And I looked at the bit he'd circled and I was like mate, that doesn't look like a lift, that looks like pavement and some steps to me. Yeah, but I was like not gonna stress them out, I'll work it out, yeah, yeah. And then I got there and so it was like block paving and then it was a little square and you sat on the square and then they pressed a button and the top bit of the pavement lifted up and then like went forward Like Elphaba, like Elphaba, into the audience and I was like the same hydraulics, the same hydraulics as Elphaba. 

H- We had to have either a mat or a Tony with us. 

A- A mat or a Tony. Yeah, yeah, great, great people. We love it. We befriended them both. Yeah, oh yeah, cause the guy that helped us out, he was one of our friends. We made on the dance floor as well and yeah, yes, he was there, 

H- like because one of the ladies was a bit worried about him going on the lift on her own. And she went to me are you gonna go with her? And I was like, no, no, don't worry, I would walk down the stairs. And she must have thought I was such a bitch because she fully thought I had to rude. I had to be there with her. So then this lovely man was like, it's okay, I'll go with you. 

A- And we bonded, you were best mates and then we were friends. Later on we were dancing to it. 

H- Oh, he was having the time of his life. 

A- Yeah, we were trusting, we were shouting and also it had the most beautiful view. Oh, my goodness, even when it was raining. Yeah, it's gorgeous, it's glorious. 

H- It’s good luck on your wedding, isn't it? Yes, it is. 

A- That is amazing, yeah. But in summary, yeah, we are okay, we are so okay. 

H- I was only joking, I actually am okay. I'm just hungover, hungover 

A- you’re hungover. I'm just going to do the Jakemans a little bit. 

H- Yeah, you're tired. 

We got woken up at 8.30. Because there were roadworks happening outside the hotel and me and Amy had alarms set for 10 am and by the time we got in the lift to leave like fully ready, fair, I don't have any makeup on. I had probably have half of a face of makeup on. That was the last night's makeup, but 

A- Did you not take it off last night? 

H- Yeah, I did, I did. 

A- I was just going to tell you off.

H- And our wake up alarm went off 

A- Also, just by the way, it wasn't, it was just a standard lift at this point. 

H- Oh yeah, amy was very sad about the. I'm so happy I've said a complaint to Travel lodge If I give me block paving or nothing. When the next time I visit you, I expected to be taken to my room my srony or badge. I want a nice man and some block paving. That's all I want. 

A- I’ve joked about it many a time with Matt and Alem that I am open to marrying both of them in the future. 

H- A thruple, 

A- a thruple, if you will. I think they think I'm joking. I'm kind of not. Especially after yesterday I was like, if I get added to the mix, is this where we get to do this again? Because I would love it, my mum would love it. 

H- Oh, my goodness, I kept texting my mum throughout the night and being like you would if you were here. You'd die, yeah. 

On the subject of weddings, aye, and that being the best wedding I've ever been to. No offence to all the other weddings, they're all lovely. 

A- I know they're all sat at home being like, wow, this bitch. 

H- I am going to read you some of the trashiest weddings that people have ever been to. 

A- I think I might like them all. 

H- You won't. The title is people are revealing the trashiest weddings they've been to, and so many of them are horror stories. The wedding was in a suburban driveway, the maid of honour stole the bouquet from someone's garden and the best man proudly announced that he had shoplifted the rings. 

A- I mean, that sounds like the end of a naughty's rom-com. 

H- Yes, doesn't it? But the couple finally gets to get it. Ashton Cooks has got it. Yeah, yeah, I like that. 

A- I mean, I'm against theft and robbery. Obviously, driveway pretty cool. I like my driveway. 

H- Yeah. I'm wondering, though is it a driveway like Father of the Bride, or is it a driveway like J-Wick? 

A- Hey, I bet there are some nice drives in J-Wick. T

H- here might be. Yeah, I don't. I think just a standard driveway is all right. 

A- Right, would you get married on your driveway, why? 

H- I was just about to ask you. 

A- I think I would have quite liked my driveway. It got done recently. Yeah, it did. It got a lovely bit of bottle paving. 

H- There’s no lift. 

A- There’s no lift. Yeah, I think I would. 

H- Okay, interesting, it's just so random. All of the neighbors. It sounds like something from the Sims. 

A- The thing is, if my partner was like I really want to get married on a driveway, I'd be like, okay, I know they had to fight it. It's so random. 

H- Why would they want to get married on a driveway? 

A- I don't know. I've not met them yet. 

H- That’s true. You might have met them, you never know. Apparently, we've all met the person, not all, but there's like a statistic where 80% of people have met the person they're going to marry by the time they're 25. 

A- So if you're listening to this and you know me and you're secretly in love with me, please do approach me, because time is of the essence and my driveway is only going to look fresh for so long. 

H- Well, that's kind of like. 

A- I didn't mean it like that. I mean literally, my driveway has just been done, so it's clean and nice and there's no weeds, 

H- stop, stop. Just so. You're aware, amy has a clean, fresh driveway, but it'll only be like that for a limited time, so please be quick. 

The bride and groom decided to do things on a very small budget. As maid of honour, I was informed that I had to keep the photographer 100 feet away from the ring bearer and the flower girl at all times. 

A- Hang on, why? Oh, no, no, that's bad. No, I don't like that. He was a sex offender. 

H- Yes

A- yeah, no, okay, that's not good. 

H- Yeah, how did you get so good at taking photos? 

A- Oh Holly

H- I’m just out here speaking truth, same truth. 

A- That’s not good. No, we shouldn't be doing that. No, no, no. Get a different photographer in. 

H- The bride and her sisters did a striptease and lap dance on the groom immediately following dinner. 

A- Oh well, they should have given it five minutes. People are going to get indigestion I would feel very uncomfortable in that situation. And the sisters? Yeah, I would feel uncomfortable, but maybe that's their profession and maybe they're just demonstrating their profession, 

H- don’t care. I didn't get up and do a song last night, did I no? 

A- But if you got married, you might like sing. 

H- I would feel uncomfortable, but I don't want to shame anyone for doing a little strip I don't want to, but it's not for a wedding, Amy.

A- there’s that tradition, though, isn't there? 

What's the thing that goes around your thigh? 

H- Garter, 

A-yeah, and like it's normally blue, and then they like with the teeth, with the groom. The groom, like, uses his teeth

H- yeah, but people don't do that anymore because it's trashy

A- like it's tradition. It's tradition, it is. I wouldn't say it's trashy, I'd say it's an interesting choice, 

H- it’s weird. 

A- Okay, I will make that note for your wedding. No strip tease. 

H- I’d say this one isn't trashy, it's just a bit weird. 

I went to a wedding in a funeral home?

A-  Huh, does that mean there was, like coffins? I have a question. 

H- Yeah, go on, ask me another question. Yeah, there must be coffins. 

A- Why? 

H- Maybe they were having like an emo-y themed wedding, actually? 

A- Yeah, fair enough, if you were like a goth and you like that stuff, it would be quite cool. 

H- Does it mean that there's a dead body in the next room? Though? 

A- Probably they're there. It's where they live. You can't keep them up, it's true, so they must be. You have to have a license, right? 

H- Yeah, unless it wasn't like they had already got married and they're having that unofficial Celebration? 

A- Yeah, the reception? 

H- No, I mean they'll still do like a yeah, yeah, yeah. And uno, what is it? I don't know? Yeah, but you just sort of redo the vows for everyone else. 

A- Yeah, yeah, interesting, interesting choice. 

H- The bride's camo print wedding dress was borderline see-through. They walked down the aisle to the Scooby-Doo theme song. Nobody knows why they chose that, not even the bride and groom. I mean. 

A- That final bit I love. That's great. It would really make me laugh. 

H- Why have you got a? First of all, why are you wearing a camo dress? 

A- Don’t want anyone. What's a camo dress? 

H- Like camouflage, camouflage what did you think? 

A- It was like a shape of dress. I'm going to be honest with you, bearing in mind, I'm tired. Part of it was like it's an animal print. Is it camo animal print? Then I was like they don't have a print, it's just camo coloured. Sorry, but I just call it brown. Okay, camo, I mean wear what you wanna wear. Yeah, I'm not against any of that. I would again have many questions and I think I would be set up for the day from that entrance. Yeah, I mean walking down the aisle to the Scooby-Doo theme song. 

H- Hilarious On my wedding day one day, whoever you are. If you're out there, you poor, poor man, it's gonna be the funniest day of everyone's life. That's what I've decided the funniest, or the funniest, funniest, funniest. It's gonna be really funny. My wedding I'm gonna have like the best man speech. Better be fucking killer. 

A- That’s a lot of pressure. 

H- You’re gonna sing. You're gonna sing Keeps man, keeps man. Bridesmaid with Rachel. 

A- Ah, yeah, I'd be down for that with Rachel. 

H- Yeah, we'd all be down for things with Rachel. But Sorry, rachel, yeah, but when you're there, like why, they're like, I don't actually know. 

By the way, this couple got divorced a few months later and stopped cleaning the house in an act of defiance against one another. 

A- Oh gosh, that's it. That's a good way of getting back at someone. Yeah, it is, but you'd have to live in it. Are they both still living in their own house? 

H- Yeah, 

A- oh, no, that's not great, is it? 

H- we had to fill out our own thank you cards for the gifts we gave. They even had an example for us to follow. 

Dear blank, thank you for the blank. We'll use it to blank. 

A- Little bit odd

H- isn’t it so weird? 

A- Yeah, that's quite strange. Something weird to do. 

H- It’s like mad limbs. Thank you for the blank. 

A- That’s someone who's been told off by their mum for not texting thank you or sending thank you notes in the past and they've been like, oh, gotta do it, I'll just do it. 

H- Can’t someone else do it? Yeah, I love it. The thing is again, if that person is a funny person, then that's fucking hilarious. But it sounds like these people aren't and they're just genuinely there like, oh, just fill out. Fill out you only thank you card, I'm grateful. So if you want a card, it's like what? I'd rather not have a card. No, no, no, it's fine, I don't need a thank you card. No, save a tree. Send me a text. 

I was in Las Vegas once and an entire wedding party was throwing hands in the middle of the street. 

A- Well, just throwing hands mean?

H- I knew you were gonna ask me that. What do you think? What do you think? 

A- Punching

H- yeah!

A- oh, yay. 

H- Oh, look at her.

A- What things do go wrong on emotional dates? I wonder why they were fighting. I wanna know. I wonder what they were. 

H- a joke in my house is not Christmas without a fight.

A- oh, really?

H- well, not a physical fight, and, to be fair, I don't think there's ever been a Christmas with a fight, but it's always that 

A- like a strop. 

H- Yeah, yeah, yeah, me or Joey having a strop as a child. Gotta do that, you know? Yeah, that's my annual, don't pick it up. And yeah, it's nice to keep traditions going.

A- I would remove myself from the situation. 

H- So you wouldn't go to that wedding. 

A- Well, I'd probably be there because I wouldn't be expecting any throwing off hands. But when that started, I would vacate to the newest Casino, casino. I'd go and watch who's in residence there at the moment. Well, adele's doing one a month, isn't she? Yeah, I'd probably go and pop in and see Adele. Yeah, pop in for a cuppa. Be like Adele. Absolute nightmare. 

H- The DJ got hammered and made lewd comments to women over the microphone. 

A- Oh, it's the microphone Boy. You're having a bad either way. But that's not good, is it? 

H- No, that's bad. He needs to. Yeah, 

A- I hope they left him bad reviews on Yelp. 

H- Yelp?!

A- I don't know. Is that what they are? 

H- I guess. So it's Yelp. The yellow pages online, 

A- yellow A, the L pages. That's the yellow pages. Full name Yellow E L pages. Yellow L, yellow E. Yellow E literal page. No, it doesn't. 

H- I don't know Pages, babe. 

There was a wedding where the groom's mother was feeding Pakistani sweets to the bride. They can be sticky and messy. She accidentally dropped one on the bride's dress. The bride said you ruined my wedding dress, you bitch. The groom told his wife to apologize and she refused. They ended up getting a divorce settle. They basically got divorced by the end of the day. 

A- Oh, my goodness, I mean fair enough, that was an overreaction from the bride. You ruined my wedding dress, you bitch. Because as well, that must be quite a way into the ceremony. 

H- Things go wrong at weddings, guys, it's fine. 

A- Didn’t they do that yesterday? They did the sweet, sweet. So that was just. 

H- That was before we ate, yeah. 

A- Just before the speeches yeah, that's quite. Things go wrong in wedding. It's fine. There was no reaction and Maybe the annulment was a good thing. I wouldn't again. I wouldn't say that was trashy. 

H- No, that's not trashy. It's not trashy, it's a juicy story it is. 

My mom even said when she was listening to an episode the other day she was like you sound like Amy and there is no way we sound like each other. But I think we both morph your posture than me. 

A- I’m not posher than me I've. Sometimes you come out with things and say wait, actually let's ask people who sounds posher Amy or Holly, holly or Amy? 

H- Yeah, tell us, can you tell the difference? Because I've had multiple people be there like I Don't, I couldn't, yeah, I had to concentrate. I need to just be more Essex, I need to stop or I'll stop it in on an accent. I'm just not putting on an accent. That's gonna be so confusing. 

A- Good day, mate. Why, that was a random one to go.

H- I genuinely thought you were gonna go mancunian. I like Holly Hossler-White you okay. 

Guys, have you ever been to a wedding where something like a really trashy wedding or a wedding where someone's not turned up? Any wedding stories? Give us a wedding. We love them. 

A- Oh yeah, come to me with dramatic wedding stories. 

H- Ok amy trigg, love you. 

A- Love you! Bye,

thank you for listening to you. Okay, with Holly and Amy. If you liked this episode, then please do share with your friends and Don't forget to rate, review and subscribe. You can find us on Instagram at you. Okay, with Holly and Amy. Send us a message, make us feel loved. Bye, bye you.